Thirty-three perfect games have been bowled in Aberdeen this season.

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No work is getting done in America. Everyone is transfixed by the eagle from Iowa.

If that’s not an Internet sensation, I don’t know what is.

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On Saturday, we saw the eagle gnawing on a raven.

“I’m sure it died a natural death,” said animal lover Michelle.

How did she know? “I’m guessing. It makes me feel better.”

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Looking at the police log, Michelle noticed a surplus of runaways.

“Oh, they’re all going to the circus,” she said.

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One of the elephants in this year’s circus is 38 years old. Circus folk say they live into their 70s.

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How can the circus do three shows in Aberdeen Saturday and then three shows in Watertown Sunday?

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On Thursday morning, a beautiful mallard stood at the intersection of 14th Avenue and Second Street, a block east of Simmons Middle School.

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Dave says now that the newsroom is brighter, people won’t be sampling from our fruit selection anymore, because they’ll be able to tell what it is.

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“My birds probably wouldn’t eat a bird,” Michelle said. “They’d probably just kill it and play with it for a while.”

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Alvin says a moth will give a cat hours of entertainment.

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Drivers are dodging muskrats all over town this week.

“I’m glad I have cats. They won’t come near my house,” Michelle says.

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This blog correctly predicted that South Dakota Public Radio’s Uncle Jimmo would be jobless.

They should keep him and dump the lifeless Owen DeJong instead.

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I’m really upset at my wife. She won’t let me get a pet monkey.

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Meredith Vierra gets up at 2:30 a.m.

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Sources say the NBA finals will match the Chicago Bulls against either Oklahoma City or the Lakers.

That same source said that Mike Miller’s season has been a nightmare.

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Brad Wilson remembers when oleo came out. Eating oleo, supporters said, would make you live longer than if you ate butter.

Brad says it would just make your life seem longer.

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After talking to a woman at a funeral home, Michelle said “You can tell she deals more with dead people than living.”

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Few things are better than a burnt potato, wrapped in tin foil, rescued from burning charcoals. Add some butter and salt and you’re talking good food.

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The Red Sox are playing the Yankees already? Really? Really?

The ACT musical this summer will be “Chicago.”

Every woman I know would love to play Roxie Hart or Velma Kelly.

Will those roles go to the usual people, or is there some ambitious ingenue who will elbow her way onstage?

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After 11 years, the Festival of Lights is being discontinued.

“Due to the tremendous amount of volunteer labor that is needed to set up and staff the event and the large amount of labor required by city staff to assist with hosting the event, the Club and City have agreed that it would be in the best interest of Storybook Land to focus efforts on other activities and special events which will have a greater benefit to the park,” says the Sertoma Club.

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I understand that muskrats are taking over the city. They are lined up outside Bath, ready to invade.

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Speaking of the early’80s, Mondell said, “Even Jeff was wild and carefree back then.”

He’s wrong. I was never wild and carefree.

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In my driveway Wednesday night, I heard the circus sounds coming from INSIDE the Civic Arena — 10 blocks away.

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The George Carden Circus doesn’t bring the whole show to Aberdeen, because the Civic Arena is one of the smaller venues.

They do like the intimate atmosphere, though.

They also like the good rafters in the building, said a woman who hangs from them.

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Mondell says he generates his own heat. “I’m kind of like a star that way.”

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Shawn says a strong south wind brought the smell from the South Sale Barn downtown on Thursday.

Blowing through town were the winds of change.

If this isn’t shooting the breeze, I don’t know what is.

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The two snakes in the circus are an albino Burmese python and a red-tailed boa constrictor.

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A local mom regrets paying $7 for a pony ride for her son at the circus.

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People say the meat loaf served Wednesday noon at Lager’s is very good.

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Central’s prom is Saturday night. Roncalli’s Dinner Dance is the following Saturday.

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I’m tired of basketball players who say the coach gave them the keys to the program.

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Alvin named two onions that sprouted under his kitchen cabinet Ignorance and Apathy.

They are “children born of neglect,” he says.

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The to-go boxes at the downtown Chinese restaurant aren’t large enough, Alvin says.

When he visited the buffet, the Styrofoam was groaning under the strain, he said.

“Later, I was groaning.”

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I still think of Central’s prom as taking place in the Civic Arena. “Isn’t there a conflict with the circus?” I asked myself, before I realized that the prom is now in the Gym I Have Never Been To.

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Carrie Cole says a muskrat is a “cute version of a rat.”

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Scott says I’m good at “that voodoo that you do so well.”

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All movies on the This channel are from the 1980s, and all of them star Tom Berenger.

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If you love “Matlock” and “Murder She Wrote,” you’re going to love the Hallmark Movie Channel.

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To me, it’s not a real doll unless it’s signed by Marie Osmond.

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A co-worker says he is allergic to work.

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Dan Richardt reports that the popcorn at Kusler’s is back to the quality we all revere.

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I told my wife if she wants to be a player in town, she’s going to have to know about Interior Design Concepts..

She’s not sure she wants to be a player in this town.

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No one in America is working anymore. We all just stare at a live feed of an eagle’s nest.

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I want those neat stilts worn by those guys who work on ceilings.

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A co-worker pointed out that Faulkton School hasn’t had a late start in a week.

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I bet the “CBS Evening News” ratings wouldn’t have gone in the tank if Bob Schieffer had stayed in the anchor chair.

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Skeet Ulrich is being removed from “Law & Order: L.A.” because the show wasn’t working. Dick Wolf still likes him, though.

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Paul said to Brad Wilson, “Hey did you get a haircut? It’s very nice. Did they use a bowl?”

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I think Aberdeen is being swallowed up by consignment places. That is our new identity — Consignment City.

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The sounds of laughter told us that somebody on the other side of the building was having a lot of fun.

“They’re in the wrong place,” Ron said.

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Instead of the morning, old guys say something happened “in the forenoon.”

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On Tuesday, Scott said if the temperatures was really 59 degrees outside “I’m out of here.”

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So many people are picking on me about my messy desk that I’m a victim. I’m being unfairly singled out. How do they know I don’t have a deficiency that I’m sensitive about? Maybe it’s a product of my upbringing.

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I think our fear of the Asian carp is simple racism.

Dan Richardt reports that the Circus Sports Bar is changing its front.

“As long as they don’t change their food,” Shawn says.

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The joint at Richmond Lake is now called Anchors Away.

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Bo, the celebrated elephant, will not be at this year’s Yelduz Shrine Circus.

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It’s official: The Aqua Addicts are leaving their longtime home and moving to the body of water some call the old gravel pit.

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Juli Schultz, the wife of Aberdeen stage legend Brian Schultz, is named after a Jesse Colin Young song, “Song for Juli.”

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Dennis Dosch offered to have his wife, Kim, clean my desk.

After 15 minutes of Kim’s work, “You won’t find a thing ever again,” he said.

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Pretentious observation of the week: James M. Cain’s first novel, “The Postman Always Rings Twice,” published when he was 42, is said to have inspired Albert Camus’ “The Stranger.”

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In the academic world, VPAA means vice president of academic affairs.

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The mayor says there are now 59 places in Aberdeen that offer video lottery.

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Groton police officers seem to be waiting for speeders every time I drive on the east side of Groton.

They’re never going to catch me. I’m on to them.

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Dan Richardt says my disdain for “The Good Wife” is hurting my credibility.

To be honest, I don’t like the three women on “The Good Wife,” but the three guys aren’t bad.

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Mike Ferguson, a Texas A&M grad, said Tuesday, “HUGE women’s college basketball game tonight…may be the first time I have ever said that.”

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You’ve got to love any woman named Muffet McGraw.

The only name that comes close is former LPGA golfer Muffin Spencer-Devlin.

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Mike Ferguson denies that he hired an attractive actress to play his wife.

Mike says some people might not realize it, but he’s not chopped liver.

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“If I had ghosts, my cat would let me know,” Michelle said.

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A couple of readers in the Tuesday paper said a Lowe’s or Home Depot should go in on the west side development where the new McDonald’s will be.

Somebody mentioned a Red Lobster, Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and Cabela’s.

To get a Cabela’s, you need two interstates intersecting. We don’t even have one.

Jim Walker says the Capitol Theatre has been in a “constant state of renovation” since ACT moved in.

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I don’t like the catchphrase currently favored by young people, but I can’t change it.

It is what it is.

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Ron, who’s already crotchety, says just wait to see him in 30 years.

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I interviewed four guys from Japan Monday night. Three of them spoke almost no English.

We spoke the language of baseball.

I did my Sadahoru Oh batting stance. It brought all of us together in a spirit of joy and international goodwill.

Maybe I should head over to Libya

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I’m bringing my Violent Torpedo of Truth tour this weekend to Leola.

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Does anyone remember the Soo Line railroad?

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Some refer to buffalo as monsters of the prairie.

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Original stars Vincent D’Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe are returning to “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” for the show’s final season.

The new episodes start May 1 on the USA Network on May 1.

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Katie Holmes was not impressive on Jimmy Kimmel Monday night. For one thing, her posture was as bad as mine.

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Hank Stuever of the Washington Post says “Extreme Couponing” is a “fascinating yet deeply disturbing show.”

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Scott Waltman reports that there’s something called a Caffeinated Maple Bacon Lollipop. “I must have one,” he says.

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I came across this comment:

What makes Southern literature Southern? It has a dead mule in it.

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Who’s more stubborn — a goat or a mule?

Applebees is not coming to Aberdeen. That was meant to be an April Fools’ joke.

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I haven’t checked yet, but supposedly we have a new Midcontinent channel — the Hallmark Movie Channel on Channel 185.

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Opening Friday at Carmike are “Arthur,” “Hanna,”  “Soul Surfer” and “Your Highness.”

Leaving Thursday are “Rango,” “Red Riding Hood,” “Sucker Punch” and “Paul.”

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I don’t have the guts to tell my wife that the popcorn machine at Kusler’s has died.

A popcorn action team is working around the clock at Kusler’s, trying to duplicate the magic that the old one produced.

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At the Final Four, Bill Walton said a team was “mistaking activity for achievement.”

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Dan Richardt reports that a Game Stop will soon open in the strip mall where Qdoba is.

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The CVB and Gold Book locations downtown, which are next to each other, are both amazingly attractive.

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These towns have a Dairy Queen and we don’t: Groton, Redfield and Mobridge.

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“Turn on Your Radio” is the first Reba song I’ve ever liked.

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One reason I prefer taco burgers to hard-shell tacos: They’re easier to eat while driving.

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I didn’t realize how popular the consignment shops are downtown until I spent an hour and a half sitting across from one Saturday afternoon. Moms, daughters and grandmothers streamed in.

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If I’m ever involved in a brutal slaying, I don’t want detectives wisecracking over my body.

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Aberdeen’s most famous sportswriter wants to see a 5 Guys come to Aberdeen.

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Years ago, a student threw a slice of cheese to the ceiling of a local gym. It stayed there for years. A co-worker says it was even painted over.

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Zach Greinke is a lot like me. He struggles with social anxiety disorder and said in spring training that none of his teammates had annoyed him yet.

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Our editor says we will accept faxes that were sent in 1987.

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Schools rave about how much better a four-day week is, why not just cut down to a three-day week?

In the old Soviet states, kids go to school six days a week. Here, they go four days.

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People should realize that the hot country act of the year is never going to come to the Brown County Fair.

If you want to see the Zac Brown Band, you’re going to have to drive four or five hours.

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A song I never want to hear again is “Live Like You Were Dying.”

Has Tim McGraw ever recorded a good song?

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Benj and Anne Bahr were in the audience at “Saturday Night Live” over the weekend.

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Asian Carp, which are invading the Midwest, supposedly fly out of the water.

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The movie “Tangled” was a hit.

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The AMC series “The Killing ” was adapted from a Danish TV series called “Forbrydelsen.”

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State funding for SDPB was cut by 16.6 percent. I fear for the job security of Uncle Jimmo.

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I have never heard nor seen “One Shining Moment.” I’m busy Monday nights in March.

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The Taco Bell people are defensive about their beef.

It’s fun reading their website, where they explain why the meat has ingredients like oats, sodium phosphates, cocoa powder, citric acid, caramel color, silicon dioxide, maltodextrin and autolyzed yeast extract.

Those ingredients are needed for texture, flavor, consistency, moisture, quality and a more savory taste.

My favorite part talks about why soybean oil, an anti-dusting agent, is needed.

To be fair, lots of other companies put the same ingredients in food.