February 8th, 2010 by jeffbahr

  Chris at Carmike says “there were a lot of girls here” over the weekend to see “Dear John.” the latest film from the author of “The Notebook.”

  The film, which stars that dreamy Channing Tatum, was No. 1 at the Aberdeen box office.  

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 Another actor in that film is Henry Thomas from “E.T.,” who plays a single dad living in a beach house.

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 Opening Friday are “Valentine’s Day,” “The Wolfman” and “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief.”  

 Leaving Thursday are “Extraordinary Measures,” “Legion,” “The Lovely Bones” and “The Book of Eli.”

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 I think “The Wolfman” would be a good nickname for Mitch Boeck.

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 The end of the football season hit some people hard.

 “It barely read double zeroes last night and Scott said, ‘I miss football already,’” reports Dan Richardt.

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  Action news reporter Dan Richardt reports that Groundhog Soup is on the menu at Palm Garden. The restaurant says they’re not happy with what Punxsutawney Phil reported. “So we put him in our soup while he lasts.”

  Don’t worry. That’s not really groundhog in the soup.

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 Greg Odde must have some serious dough. Hockey beat writer Scott Waltman says membership in the North American Hockey League costs $200,000.

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 I wonder how the disc golf tournament went over the weekend. I think the weather tested its no-cancellation policy.

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  A Webster hardware store will soon be selling crickets and meal worms. Why? For people with pet iguanas.

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  The common refrain around Aberdeen Monday is that people are tired of winter. “I’m a little sick of this weather,” one person said. And it’s only Feb. 8.

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 Richelle Braun says the hardest-working people at Northern are the groundskeepers.

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 “Wanted: Muskrats,” says Hansen Hide & Fur. I’m not exactly sure why muskrats are in demand.

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   South Dakota Total Combat is coming to the Civic Arena Feb. 20.

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  What I’d really like is salon-worthy hair care.

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 Burton Cummings, lead vocalist of the Guess Who, has become an American citizen.

 One of the biggest hits the Canadian band ever had was “American Woman,” whose lyrics read “American Woman, stay away from me.”

February 6th, 2010 by jeffbahr

  Happy 25th birthday to Jen Rider, the wittiest woman in all of Southern California.

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 Mike Ferguson says, “You know it’s high-quality steak if you have it in a buffet.”

                                                   *        *        *

 To borrow two of ESPN’s favorite phrases, I want to be in the conversation going forward.

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 Anne Harris is rooting against one of the teams Sunday. “They’re dirty, nasty players,” she said. Which team was she referring to?

                                                   *        *        *

 ESPN now has 18 platforms.

                                                    *        *        *

 Ron doesn’t think the Aberdeen hockey team will make a go of it. “The only 600 people in Aberdeen I know who care about ice put it in their glasses.”

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 Nobody likes Chevy Chase more than I do. But I don’t know why the “National Lampoon’s Vacation” movies are so popular.

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 If a big country music star fell under a log, then you would find Carrie under wood.

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 I’m totally in favor of Sunday’s Tim Tebow commercial. 

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 Old-time Aberdonians tell me there used to be a music store called Prairie Dog Records.

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 Mike Costello says when cell phones ring at Schwannie’s, guys run outside because they don’t want whoever’s calling to know they’re in a bar.

                                                   *        *        *

 Nathan Bobzien has the tough job of changing the movie marquee titles on the Lakewood Mall sign.

                                                   *        *        *

 Sometimes, I like to pour a bucket of water on something and run. In other words, I like to splash and dash.

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 There’s way more in the phone book than you realize. There’s an actual South Dakota voter registration form, as well as full menus from many Aberdeen restaurants.

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 This deal at Pizza Hut — any pizza for $10 — sounds pretty good. But if you start loading up on breadsticks and whatever else, you ruin the deal. That’s probably what they’re counting on.

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 People probably tuned into Duke-Georgetown last weekend to get away from Obama, and there he was.

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 Until Friday, I hadn’t eaten Bugles since the ’70s. I remember them as oily. But they’re better than I remember — dryer and very good.

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 Speaking of chips, Pringles Light Potato Chips may not be labeled as either light or potato chips, according to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

  So what are they?

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 Maybe I heard this wrong: Tomorrow, you can buy 20 Denver Nuggets for $3.29.

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 When you listen to ag information on the radio, you hear detailed information about rainfall in Argentina, and what it means for soybeans.

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 The John Wayne movie “The Shootist,” which was on TV Friday night, is better than I remember.

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 I’m very careful about my meat consumption. So I ‘d like to have powerful Spam protection.

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 The Putney Putovers 4-H Club will never put anything over on me.

February 4th, 2010 by jeffbahr

 The chile-lime Ranch sauce is the reason that Arby’s Southwest mini-egg rolls are great.

 The egg rolls, which are good, taste like something you’d get from Taco John’s. But the sauce is what makes them subLime.

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 Many Aberdonians have pork loin in their freezers. They wait for it to go on sale and then stock up on it.

 My father is the same way with Clementines.

                                        *      *     *

 A prominent local sportswriter criticizes the pizza at Chuck E. Cheese, calling it “tomato sauce on cardboard.”

                                         *      *     *

 The opinionated sportswriter prefers Space Aliens to Chuck E. Cheese, saying you get the same games and better food.

                                         *      *     *

 Heather Price informs us that there’s a difference between a “fashionable pump” and a stiletto. I had no idea.

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  South Dakota Highway Patrolmen drive Ford Crown Victorias.

                                         *      *     *

  Dan Richardt says Sunday’s game is Super Bowl Extra Large IV.

  Where else can you get quality Roman numeral humor?

                                         *      *     *

 The annual Ice Bowl disc golf tournament is this weekend. Organizers say the event will not be postponed, no matter the weather. No whiners are allowed.

                                         *      *     *

 I’m jealous of Shawn. Because he lives downtown, he has easy access to a lot of good eating places. And because he doesn’t drive, he’s in much better shape than I am. 

                                         *      *     *

 If Michael Vick were to join the Vikings, Bryan Bahr says, “he’d fit right in with that lawless gang of hoodlums.” 

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 I understand that an aberdeennews.com reader, identifying herself as a volleyball fan, calls hockey a boring game.

 How could a volleyball fan call any other sport boring?

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 Why does Jake McCloskey never go to movies? Because of his 52-inch high-definition TV with surround sound.

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 With all the swearing they’re allowing on Spike, TNT, TBS and Comedy Central, who needs HBO?

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 Now we find out that Men at Work ripped off “Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree.”

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 Why is the Sioux City hockey team called the Musketeers?

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  I can’t decide if I want to open a saloon or a salon.

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  Do I understand it correctly that Temple’s basketball team plays some role in the plot of “Lost”?

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  I understand that Bristol is home to a historic theater called the Old Vic.

  I don’t remember seeing it while driving through town. I didn’t even know Bristol had a Shakespearean repertory company. 

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 I couldn’t help but notice that Al Novstrop voted against embryonic stem cell research and Jim Hundstad voted in favor of it.

 Jim Hundstad also probably prefers volleyball to hockey.

February 3rd, 2010 by jeffbahr

 The movie “Precious” will stick around for another week at the Capitol. Going against the Super Bowl Sunday night, I wonder if anyone will be in the theater.

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 On the radio Wednesday, Don Meyer said the Winona men sometimes “come in here on a natural high” and then go up to Mary and lose.

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   This weekend, the Northern teams take the long trip to Winona and Upper Iowa.

  “This is one of those road trips that’ll get me out of coaching sooner rather than later,” Curt Fredrickson said on “Wolves Midweek.”

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  Frederickson said women’s basketball is the athletic program at Crookston that has come the farthest.

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 Buster Olney donated his speaker fee from the Boys & Girls Club to Northern, Don Meyer reported.

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   Meyer said visitors to the Barnett Center treat Olney the same way they treat Meyer. “They think we’re custodians.”

                                                          *      *       *

 Center Michael Zerr said the Northern football players have been asking recruits questions about plans for the Northern offense. Because at this point, they know more about it than the current players do.

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 I always thought it was The Drink Factory, but even in the phone book it’s listed simply as The Drink.

“I still call it The Library,” Michelle says.

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 The Drink, by the way, has poker every Wednesday at 7:30 p.m.

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 A young woman, dressed like the Statue of Liberty, was dancing up a storm Tuesday in front of Liberty Income Tax.

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  At David Lipscomb, Don Meyer had a player who once made 10 turnovers in the first half. He told the player that with him around, people at the concession stand needed to wear helmets.

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  It’s hard to put a cat on a leash. “It’s easier to walk a goldfish,” Ron says.

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 On Tuesday, when I came upstairs, I saw my shadow.

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 If the Groundhog saw its shadow, that means six more weeks of winter.

“Let’s hope it’s only six,” Ron said.

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 Ace reporter Elissa Dickey broke the news that Central music teachers Dennis McDermott and Dan Witte are retiring.

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Garrison Keillor says within a year or two, he’s going to step aside for a new host on “A Prairie Home Companion.”

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   At West Point, Aberdeen native Naomi Fuhrman got an A minus in “Fundamentals of Combatives.”  

  In other words, don’t mess with her.

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 I would buy an album of Dan Richardt singing local radio jingles. You should hear him do the Shenanigans commercial.

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 The Philly steak sandwiches at Domino’s are very good.

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 I’ve decided that revenge is a dish best served room temperature.

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 How cushy does Brad Wilson’s dog have it? At Taco John’s, Brad buys a six-pack and a pound.

 ”I do four of the tacos and he does two.”

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 The dog, Bubba, won’t eat Potato Oles unless there’s cheese on top.

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 Shawn says Wild Oats will serve free tacos and nachos during the Super Bowl.

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 Next Black Friday, I’m going to behave the same way the Northern men do. I’m going to show up, compete and be physical.

                                                          *      *       *

 On an e-mail I got this week, the person signed off “Warm regards.” Maybe my wife could use those regards to stay warm.

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 Michelle says if they could focus, a cat would be a better bloodhound than a dog is.

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 I have to admit that “The Good Wife” was pretty good Tuesday night. But I will never, ever enjoy “Castle.”

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 At Quality Quick Print is a very large poster of Don Meyer and players that is apparently destined to hang at Shenanigans.

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 What happened to the Rock? “Tooth Fairy” was only No. 4 at the Aberdeen box office last weekend.

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 Mike says, “It’s always a sign of a good quality hotel when you can park in front of your room.”

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 What do you call a mound where spiritual people gather?

 Faith Hill.

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 In disciplining her children, Kelda sometimes fails to deliver on her promises.

“I’m great with the empty threats.”

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 I have absolutely no idea what ermine is. But I do know I’d look great in it.

                                                          *      *       *

 According to Mike Ferguson, moms who name their daughters Brittni have consigned them “to a life of having their name misspelled.”

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 Ron’s wife of 46 years has fallen head over heels for Brett Favre. “I think I’ve been replaced in her heart,” he says.

                                                          *      *       *

 Dan Richardt figures tennis was invented by a woman. “All it is is arguing back and forth.”

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 My dream is to someday attend the Iowa Pork Congress.

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 Buster Olney has been away from ESPN so long that he thinks Bristol is a town in South Dakota.

                                                          *      *       *

  Dan Richardt says that in church league softball, you can have 11 players bat.

                                                          *      *       *

 Channel 18 has reached back for some old programs. “Peter Gunn” runs weekdays at 12:30 p.m., right after “The Riflelman.” Then at 1 p.m. is “Daniel Boone.”

                                                            *      *       *

 Why would I possibly want to Facebook The Daily Grind?

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 In a movie Tuesday night on Syfy, “Bats: Human Harvest,” soldiers faced “genetically altered flesh-eating bats while pursuing a terrorist in the caves of Afghanistan.”

 There’s a lot going on in that movie.

                                                           *      *       *

 Scott says the amount of mayonnaise and mustard Subway uses, even when you ask for a little, is “stunningly over the top.”

                                                          *      *       *

 This is the scouting report on me around the league: Try to sneak a fastball by him, and he’ll hurt you.

                                                          *      *       *

 “I’ll be interested to read about the SDSU castoffs the Bison locked up today,” says Jackrabbit fan Scott Waltman.

February 1st, 2010 by jeffbahr

 “The Young Victoria” is leaving town once again Thursday night.

 Opening Friday at Carmike are “Dear John” and “From Paris With Love.”

  “Dear John” is based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks. Didn’t he also write “The Notebook”?

                                                           *     *      *

  Michelle isn’t interested in “Dear John.”

 “I think I’d rather watch paint dry.”

                                                          *     *      *

 Someone who knows said that in the middle of the night, two National Guardsmen took one of the power trucks parked outside the Ramkota and went joyriding. I heard they wound up in a ditch. It is believed that alcohol was involved.

                                                          *     *      *

  Michelle didn’t enjoy “Edge of Darkness.”

 “And as usual there was an annoying woman sitting behind me.”

                                                           *     *      *

 I’m not going to Europe. I’m just going to see either “When in Rome” or “From Paris with Love.”

                                                          *     *      *

  I believe revenge is a dish best served lukewarm.

 “I like mine red hot,” says Greg Guenin.

                                                          *     *      *

 Shawn says “I miss football already,” and the season isn’t even over yet.

                                                          *     *      *

  I’m deeply gratified that “Ugly Betty” was canceled.

                                                          *     *      *

  A co-worker said this about a customer: “She did have cute hair.”

                                                          *     *      *

 Bowdle has a bioterrorism coordinator. If terrorists invade Bowdle, the city is ready.

                                                           *     *      *

  Shawn, what do you think?

 “I can’t say for sure. But it’s a definite possibility of a firm maybe.”

                                                          *     *      *

 Shawn Van Cleave says his buddies have a flat-screen TV and Playstation 2 in their ice shack on Richmond Lake.

“Ice fishing is not about catching fish,” says Dan Richardt.

                                                          *     *      *

 South Dakota Total Combat returns to the Civic Arena Feb. 20.

                                                           *     *      *

  The financial building next to the Wolf Stop is now called Wells Fargo Advisors.

                                                          *     *      *

 As a Valentine’s Day gift, I’m taking my wife to the Precision Ag Conference Feb. 24.

                                                          *     *      *

  Who decided that this year’s Super Bowl is taking place in South Florida, rather than Miami?

                                                          *     *      *

  Why do women leave their husbands home when they go to a movie?

  “I just think women have way more fun with girls than they do with their husbands,” says Carla Ronning.

                                                          *     *      *

   The mother of a current Central boys basketball player says the players prefer playing at the Civic Arena.

  Why build these basketball palaces when people are perfectly happy with classic structures such as the Civic Arena and Scherr-Howe Arena?

  I think the school district should have built the new Central where the old one is, and kept playing its games in the Civic Arena.

                                                          *     *      *

  As close as Scott Waltman can figure, our new hockey team will be called the Wings. The colors will also be similar to the Detroit Red Wings. It sounds like the owner might be a Red Wings fan.

                                                          *     *      *

   Dan Richardt raves about the fried egg sandwich at the Ward. It features bacon, spinach and mozzarella. He calls it a grown-up version of the fried egg sandwich.

                                                          *     *      *

 Carrie Cole, meanwhile, continues to enjoy her apple, walnut and brie sandwich on focaccia bread. It’s called the vegetable panini, even though it contains no vegetables.

                                                          *     *      *

 On the downside, I hear the chicken strips and fries have taken a downturn at the Ward.

                                                          *     *      *

 I just assumed “Wicked hot” originated on “30 Rock.”

 My son believes it started in the movie “Finding Nemo.” Bryan believes “Finding Nemo” is the best movie of all time. 

                                                          *     *      *

 John Tesh is psychotic about germs.

                                                          *     *      *

 Are people with hammertoe good field goal kickers?

                                                          *     *      *

 More than anything else, I think of myself as a relationship expert.

                                                          *     *      *

 You might not believe this, but Ken’s SuperFair Foods is selling official Roncalli and Central hand sanitizers.

                                                          *     *      *

  Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen says she gave birth to her son in a bathtub and that it didn’t hurt a bit.

  She said she ‘‘didn’t want to be drugged up’’ when she gave birth. To prepare, she says she did a lot of yoga and meditation.

  Bundchen says the boy didn’t cry after being born and rested in her lap for a long time.

  With information like that, who needs to go to Raising Dakota?

January 31st, 2010 by jeffbahr

 After Northern’s women’s loss to Moorhead Friday night, Curt Fredrickson complained about the refs on the radio, implying that their residency in Fargo affected their calls.

                                                                                   *         *         *

  A sign near Beadle Floral & Nursery says “Eat steak. Wear furs. Keep your gun. Salute our Flag.” That sign would send a Californian into an apoplectic fit.

                                                                                    *         *         *

 On his way to the vending machine, Shawn said, “I’m going to interest myself in a beverage.”

                                                                                  *         *         *

 Even Aberdeen has ladies who lunch. I’ve seen them at Mugs.

                                                                                  *         *         *

 Right next to Extreme Fusion and Fitness is the Strongheart Martial Arts Academy.

 That neighborhood must cater to the strong of heart.

                                                                                  *         *         *

 Justin Morneau and his wife toured the British Isles over the winter.

                                                                                  *         *         *

   On the radio Saturday night, Don Meyer said Casey Becker and Marty Gregor are probably not Northern’s most talented players, “but they play as hard or harder than anybody in this league…You’ve got to respect that kind of effort.”

                                                                                    *         *         *

  But Meyer said Marko Filipovic doesn’t play consistently hard.

                                                                                  *         *         *

  Apparently the Northern men have tough practices Saturday mornings. Meyer mentioned how physical practice was Saturday morning.

  I wonder if they would have gone that hard the morning after a win.

                                                                                  *         *         *

  What did my wife like most about her cruise? Somebody else made her bed and cooked for her.

                                                                                  *         *         *

  My people tell me the Northern redshirt player from Pelican Rapids, Tydan Storrusten, is a heck of a player.

 

                                                                                  *         *         *

  Shawn loves the Sunday supplement in the American News. “I love a Parade,” he says.

                                                                                    *         *         *

  Joe Queenan, in The Wall Street Journal, compared the late-night TV situation to Europe in the 1930s. Jay Leno, he wrote, ‘‘much like Adolf Hitler, is a master at making secret demands for foreign territory and then acting like the wronged party.’’

                                                                                   *         *         *

 One of the characters in “Wuthering Heights,” like all great romances, is a proud stable boy.

                                                                                  *         *         *

 The 99-cent Caesar salad at Wendy’s comes with bacon bits on it.

                                                                                  *         *         *

 One day soon, I’m going to reinterpret myself.

                                                                                  *         *         *

 It has now been eight months since I’ve spent a penny at M&H.

                                                                                  *         *         *

Here is the complete Captain 11 introduction:

 One man in each century is given the power to control time. The man chosen to receive this power is carefully selected. He must be kind. He must be fair. He must be brave. You have fulfilled these requirements; and, we of the Outer Galaxies designate to you the wisdom of Solomon and the strength of Atlas. You are Captain 11!

January 29th, 2010 by jeffbahr

  Northern has scheduled its 2010 Gypsy Day. It will be Sept. 18.

                                           *       *        *

  According to ace sportswriter Dave Vilhauer, Don Meyer will be on the Naismith Hall of Fame ballot this spring.

                                           *       *        *

 In April, Scott Waltman will visit Rome. There are rumors of a private lunch with the Pontiff.

 “He’s been wanting to bend my ear,” Scott says.

                                           *       *        *

  To Darla Scarlett, there’s no such thing as too-hot coffee. Even when it’s steaming like a cup of witches’ brew, she takes it to the microwave to make it hotter.

                                             *       *        *

  I keep hearing about women who, when they go to a movie, leave their husbands at home. They go with their mother or sister.

 Without their husbands there, who makes wise and witty observations throughout the film?

 Who comforts them during scary moments? 

 Who eats all the popcorn?

                                           *       *        *

  Co-workers say this about Mondell: Any food that doesn’t go in a microwave scares him.

                                           *       *        *

  My son Bryan, a loyal Packer fan who lives in Los Angeles, got a genuine Cheesehead from his girlfriend, Jen.

 “I am going to wear it around town, even though it’s the offseason in a city that doesn’t care about football.”

                                            *       *        *

 Mike Ferguson has Aberdeen’s airline schedule memorized. It’s not tough, he says. “There’s two flights a day.”

                                            *       *        *

 An armada of bucket trucks was parked outside M&H Thursday night. More than 200 linemen are in the area helping to restore power.

  The good people of Ipswich are throwing an appreciation dinner for them Friday evening.

                                           *       *        *

  Why is it considered news when a girl donates hair to Locks of Love?

  Why do South Dakotans make such a big deal about Cracker Barrels?

  Why do people get so excited about four-generation photos? 

                                            *       *        *

  I knew Jim Kirk back at the Academy. Even back then, he was impetuous and unpredictable, but I had no idea he was destined for such great heights.

                                           *       *        *

  Shawn likes the haddock squares the Schwan’s man brings him, but they’re expensive — six for $13.

                                           *       *        *

 Dave claims that Angela Steinbach was once Miss Guelph.

 I always thought Angela came from Oakes. 

                                           *       *        *

  Now that columnist Joe Galloway has retired, he will just sit at home and complain. Just like the rest of us, he’ll have no one to listen.

                                           *       *        *

  Carl’s Jr., which is basically Hardee’s on the West Coast, is introducing Grilled Cheese Bacon Burgers. I’d be happy to try that because of the grilled cheese element.

                                           *       *        *

  Duane Riedel said he wouldn’t know a guy “from a bale of hay.”

                                           *       *        *

  Didn’t get to see “The Blind Side” during its 10 weeks in Aberdeen? It’s playing at the Strand Theatre in Britton through Sunday.

                                           *       *        *

   A co-worker said it’s too bad there isn’t such a thing as bottomless bags of Doritos.

                                           *       *        *

  “Charm only goes so far,” says a co-worker. For me, it doesn’t go nearly far enough.

                                           *       *        *

  Dacotah Bank used to be Farmers and Merchant Bank.

                                           *       *        *

  Paul Giamatti is in every other movie, but I have no idea what he looks like.

                                           *       *        *

  A profile of me, e-mailed to my computer, says I’m a graduate of Ipswich High School. That’s funny. I don’t remember any of my years at dear old IHS.

                                           *       *        *

  Dan Richardt says Casey’s has the best pizza in town.

                                           *       *        *

 I like hearing old Aberdonians talk about the Doodlebug and National Tea.

                                           *       *        *

 Because my wife is gone this week, I was touched when Greg Guenin said, “Hey, Jeff, need a friend?” Then he said, “Get a dog.”

                                              *       *        *

 On the phone, my son Bryan said “How are you holding up, Sparky?”

 Can a kid call his father “Sparky”?

                                           *       *        *

 Anytime you see a bunch of women performing at a dance recital, you can be sure they’ll get to “Ease on Down the Road.”

                                           *       *        *

 Do I understand this correctly: Sioux City will no longer smell when you drive through it?

                                            *       *        *

 I can’t decide if I prefer Lady Antebellum or Lady Gaga.

                                            *       *        *

 On Thursday, Kim Dosch said I was wearing “dark, dreary, funeral clothes.”

                                           *       *        *

 I like new KSDN sports director Josh Bertaccini, a graduate of Syracuse University. I like his energy and his East Coast smarts.

 But his Howard Cosell imitation needs work.

                                              *       *        *

 Vegas did a number on a guy who’s in a new movie.

 Once, long ago, Hankinson did a number on me.

                                           *       *        *

 This week, Sister Lorraine Hale called me Jim.

 I’ve lived here 14 years, and no one knows who the heck I am.

                                           *       *        *

 Thus far, I’ve resisted the urge to watch “The Notebook.” True love makes me very emotional.

                                     *       *        *

 A guy in the know says Northern’s dance team has “zero pep.”

                                     *       *        *

 Brad says the longer Hank Stram lived, the more hair he got.

January 27th, 2010 by jeffbahr

 “Edge of Darkness,” “When in Rome” and “The Young Victoria” — which has already been at the Capitol — open Friday at Carmike.

  “The Blind Side” is finally leaving town. Also bailing are “Leap Year,” “Sherlock Holmes,” “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” and “The Spy Next Door.”

                                              *      *     *  

  “Tooth Fairy” was only No. 4 at the Aberdeen box office last weekend. That was a surprise. But Carmike says attendance was down because of the weather.

                                             *      *     *  

     Opening Friday at the Capitol is a movie with an eight-word title: “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire.”

                                              *      *     *  

  Max & Erma’s will open in late February.

                                            *      *     *  

 Grown-up Aberdonians have fond memories of the concession stand at the South Side Pool. They happily recall Chick-o-Sticks and Jolly Ranchers.

                                              *      *     *  

 The new pool, I hear, has good walking tacos and nachos. 

 It’s also the only place in town where you can get big soft pretzels with cheese since Starbucks went into Target, Kelda says.

                                               *      *     *  

 On the radio Wednesday, Bob Olson said Northern has “outgrown” the Barnett Center. There are four locker rooms for 18 sports teams.

                                             *      *     *  

  Curt Fredrickson said the women’s NSIC is very competitive.

 “Every weekend is a battle. There’s no gimmes anymore. It’s made things very interesting.”

                                             *      *     *  

  Northern soccer coach Steve Kehm makes an annual recruiting visit to tournaments in Arizona.

  The Northern soccer team will begin playing indoor games in March. Those bubbles and other facilities are big enough to use all 11 players.

                                               *      *     *  

     I hate to say I told you so about Brett Favre. But I told you so.

                                              *      *     *  

  “iPad? Isn’t that what you do with your expense account?” says Mike Ferguson.

                                              *      *     *  

 Alli Arampatzis, a state champion pole vaulter, can lick her elbow.

                                             *      *     *  

 On KSDN, Don Meyer said his players weren’t mentally ready to practice Wednesday.

 “Surgeons can’t pick and choose when they’re going to be mentally ready to go. They have to be ready to go every day, or they’re not going to be surgeons very long.”

                                             *      *     *  

  My daughter, who has seen “Avatar,” is now worshipping trees, plants and weeds.

                                                *      *     *  

 When Elissa admitted that she had a crush on an old Twins pitcher, Scott said, “Was it Scott Erickson?”

  It was.

                                             *      *     *  

  If I read the sign correctly, Arby’s now has Southwest mini-egg rolls.

  Southwest egg rolls?

                                             *      *     *  

 After I moved Mike Ferguson’s coat, he said, “I checked my pockets to see if my change was still in there.”

                                             *      *     *  

 Shawn says local grocery stores have done away with Stagg Chili and he misses it. Stagg “is the best chili ever made,” he said. He prefers the original variety.

                                              *      *     *  

  Any journalist speculating on whether Brett Favre will return is wasting his time.  

                                             *      *     *  

 People all around me love Chick-o-Stick.

 Dan Richardt loves its “peanut butter goodness.”

 The coconut, Kelda says, “just gives it a richness.”

                                              *      *     *  

 Do you have any special Groundhog Day plans?

                                             *      *     *  

 The Daily Grind has a new sign.

                                             *      *     *  

 I think Conan O’Brien‘s talk show should go to QVC, Style or the Travel Channel — somewhere befitting the size of his audience.

                                              *      *     *  

 I don’t like bluegrass, barbershop or the blues.

                                             *      *     *  

 Sports teams are called Golden Grizzles, Golden Bears and Golden Eagles.

 I wonder if the alumni drink Michelob Golden Draft.

                                             *      *     *  

 You’ll never hear me say, “That corner is perfect for a nice loveseat.”

                                             *      *     *  

 Dan was going to watch the State of the Union just to hear “the web of lies spun by our president.”

                                             *      *     *  

 The Atlantic 10 conference has 14 teams.

                                               *      *     *  

  Heather was asked if she’d seen Scrapbook yet.

 “I haven’t had the pleasure.”

                                             *      *     *  

  Before Brides n’ Belles became a bridal shop, the building housed apartments.

 In its early years, people would walk in and say “I came to a party here once.”

                                               *      *     *  

 I have absolutely no idea what an antechamber is.

 Nevertheless, I think I will retire to the antechamber.

                                              *      *     *  

 I live uneasily in two worlds.

                                             *      *     *  

   Where Mike Ferguson comes from, people say they’re “fixing to go” somewhere. 

  After they leave, they say they are “done gone.”

January 24th, 2010 by jeffbahr

 Happy 26th birthday to Anne Marren, the smartest woman in all of Harrison, N.Y. 

                                                         *       *     *

 One man in each century is given the power to control time.

 I always thought that man was Dr. Who.

 But in South Dakota, it was Captain 11.

                                                   *       *     *

 It sounds like many, many youngsters in this area made the trip to KELO to be part of the studio audience and appear on Captain 11.

 People around here don’t speak mockingly of Captain 11. They speak of him with great reverence.

                                                  *       *     *

 Michelle went to Captain 11 twice, and was on the air both times.

 “I was a very cute child,” she says.

                                                  *       *     *

 A co-worker says if the Vikings win Sunday, “you might step out in front of a semi.”

                                                  *       *     *

 Every Friday morning year-round, Twins broadcaster John Gordon dutifully calls in to KSDN radio, no matter where he is.

 Sometimes, KSDN doesn’t put him on the air if they have a lot of weather cancellations to report.

 I say put Gordo on the air.

                                                  *       *     *

 The question my wife asks me the most is, “Are you being deliberately obtuse?” 

                                                  *       *     *

 People say something is “tougher than a boiled owl.” I bet if people tried it,  they’d find it surprisingly tender.

                                                  *       *     *

 Some people say the pilots who fly into Aberdeen are young. I don’t know if that’s true or not.

                                                  *       *     *

 On Feb. 4, Bill Schott will go to Fortune Bay Casino, in northern Minnesota, to take part in a fundraiser that involves Ron Gardenhire and Kent Hrbek.

                                                  *       *     *

 Speaking of Bill Schott, how does that guy stay so skinny?

                                                  *       *     *

 Tim Persell, who appears as Neil Diamond, is Schott’s stepson. Persell lives in Britton.

                                        *       *     *

 If Michelle had a dog, she would paint its nails and put bows in its hair.

 She tries that with her cats, who don’t appreciate it.

                                                  *       *     *

 Mike Ferguson brings up an interesting question: How many Golden Girls are left?

                                                   *       *     *

 I love McDonald’s chocolate chip cookies, which are three for $1.

 My co-workers say Subway’s are better. I’m doubtful.

                                                  *       *     *

 Ryan Deal got a very short haircut.

 “I told them to give me the Walt,” he says, referring to Scott Waltman’s shaved  head.

                                        *       *     *

 Scott says women wouldn’t be interested in him because he yells at the TV during football games.

 What man doesn’t?

                                         *       *     *

 I get a lot of respect around town.

 Just the other day the Mayor called me Rod.

                                        *       *     *

 Longing for a glazed doughnut but can’t afford it?

 Don’t worry. I’m starting a new organization called Doughnuts Are Possible, Inc., or DAPI.

                                        *       *     *

 If I ever get arrested, I’m going to just say the system failed me. It wasn’t my fault. I’m a victim.

                                        *       *     *

 A new business downtown is called Extreme Fusion and Fitness.

                                        *       *     *

 What do the other players call Baltimore Orioles third baseman Miguel Tejada?

  Miggy.

                                        *       *     *

 Why does every city in Texas have its own song — Houston, Galveston, Amarillo by Morning, Does Fort Worth Ever Cross Your Mind?, Is Anybody Goin’ to San Antone, Lukenbach, Texas?

                                        *       *     *

 If I read the sign correctly, McDonald’s breakfast menu includes burrito hash browns.

 Mornings are tough enough without trying to deal with one of those.

                                        *       *     *

 I heard the phrase “crazier than a pet raccoon.” Why would a domesticated raccoon be any nuttier than one in the wild?

January 21st, 2010 by jeffbahr

  Jim Hockett, who used to work for Dakota Broadcasting, is now a newsman at KSDN.

                                             *        *       *

 Attention ladies: Scott Waltman, who is single, can waltz and foxtrot. If that doesn’t make a man attractive, I don’t know what does.

                                             *        *       *

 Shawn paid his first visit to Qdoba. He ordered a chicken burrito. “The thing must have weighed 6 pounds. It was huge,” he said.

 He liked it, but he didn’t like the shell.

                                             *        *       *

 Greg Guenin, how’s it going?

 “On a scale of 1 to 10, it’s in there somewhere.”

                                             *        *       *

 “Nobody likes Jerry Jones, even his wife,” says Ron.

                                             *        *       *

 Just like George Steinbrenner, someday Jerry Jones will be sent out to pasture by his family, Ron predicts. “Give him a drool cup and that’s it.”

                                              *        *       *

 I’d always thought better of Dave Vilhauer. But Aberdeen’s most famous sportswriter admits that he’s tried Chick-O-Sticks and likes them.

                                             *        *       *

 My sons see this Sunday’s Vikings game the same way I do. Bryan calls it “the holy Saints vs. the Horned Purple Devils. Good will prevail,” he says.

                                             *        *       *

  Viking fan Ron Feickert vows that he won’t be arrogant if the Vikings win Sunday.   “I’ve watched guys like you and I don’t want to be like that,” he said.

                                             *        *       *

 Every day I hear one employee tell another, “We’re matching,” referring to their clothing.

 Another employee will say “I missed the memo. I’m sorry.”

 Life in the workplace can be very dull.

                                             *        *       *

 The second episode of “Human Target” was much inferior to the first.

                                             *        *       *

 To Mike Ferguson, an empty chair is just a place to hang his coat.

 “You can’t wait until I leave,” I said.

 “That’s for a lot of reasons, though, not just the coat,” he said.

                                             *        *       *

 A woman at Kessler’s deli prepares Shawn’s burger for him. “She knows just how I like it.”

 Some of those women at Kessler’s are definitely mother figures. “I asked her if she wanted to adopt me,” he said.

                                             *        *       *

  I‘m afraid to get into the new season of “Being Erica.” I fear that it is an unnecessary and ill-advised sequel.  

                                             *        *       *

  Before Dan makes plans, maybe he should clear them with his wife first, Emily says.  

                                             *        *       *

 Ron says one of our co-workers could get lost in a phone booth.

                                             *        *       *

 When Sundance Wicks arrived on the Northern campus, he had wild, unruly hair.  Now an assistant at Northern Illinois, he has a shaved head and wears suits.

                                             *        *       *

 I can’t believe this, but Jay Leno is drawing 5.3 million viewers, compared to 17 million for “The Mentalist” on CBS.

                                              *        *       *

 Wednesday night, Leno said the rainy weather in California ‘‘couldn’t have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn down the studio for the insurance money.’’

                                             *        *       *

  The TV game show ‘‘Family Feud’’ is getting yet another host. The new one will be Steve Harvey, taking over for John O’Hurley.

  How many “Family Feud” hosts can you remember?

                                              *        *       *

  When you’re on hold, why is the music always Nickelback?

                                             *        *       *

 I don’t think  I’ll be trying a Chili Fritos Burrito at Taco John’s.

                                             *        *       *

  Tim Johnson has got to find Tuesday’s election results sobering.

 Hey, Tim. Maybe you should try voting the way South Dakotans want you to.

                                             *        *       *

   I’m having trouble getting over the death of Robert B. Parker.

 ‘‘For a long time, the American detective genre was defined by the big three: Dashiell Hammett, Raymond Chandler and Ross Macdonald. I would say Robert Parker is the fourth,’’ says author Robert Crais.

                                             *        *       *

  Since water heaters are no longer durable, I wonder if a Marathon water heater can go the distance.